July 7, 2013

Trials and Finding Content

I've been through some trials the last couple of months, but I feel like I've finally been able to surrender over to God and say, "Your will not my will."  I was so scared of my job running out for the summer and not having enough money to get through the summer and I haven't had a paycheck for a few weeks but God still seems to be providing.  I think I have enough to last through the summer and hopefully God will hook me up with a new job soon that pays even better.

Through these trials though, I feel like God is still preparing me to be a missionary in Africa.  I have felt a calling to pull an Albert Schweitzer with my life and move to Africa as a medical missionary.  However, I am also ADHD and had troubles with medical licensing boards in America.  At first, I became extremely depressed about med school not working out, but now I think God is opening a new door to PA school in his timing.  I'm currently on the waitlist at a PA school and I really wanna rush through to get there, but God has his own plans and his own timing.  Sometimes I want God to just open the door and let me into PA school, but then God says things like "Your ways are not my ways" to me.  Sometimes I want God to just give me a job where I can make a lot of money and not have to worry about money, but  he says "Your ways are not my ways" again to me.  So through these trials I have learned what Paul describes in Phillipians 4:12 as the "secret of being content in any and every situation."  And I'm just gonna be content with my life.  Even if no job or paycheck happens this summer.  I'm trying to make it happen, but if it doesn't I will be content.  Being content can only be found through God, not anything else in life because God is the source of everything, the Alpha and the Omega.

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