Why we should be more like David Zinn than Zach Morris

Last week, I remember talking with some friends about who turned out to be the most successful from our high school. To be honest, it was a bizarre conversation to have. We decided strangely enough, that someone we never would have guessed during high school has become the most "successful" out in the real world. For some reason, I kept quiet and chickened out on saying something pulling at my heart strings. I wanted to say what I remember most from high school is playing basketball with David Zinn while he talked to me about Jesus when I was completely lost in life, but instead I kept quiet. This moment was very pivotal in shaping who I would become down the road in life. But it would have been a little socially awkward to mention this super spiritual moment so I guess I chickened out and just let the conversation keep running so I wouldn't awkward everyone out.

Maybe I have been a little more introspective on what matters in life because of events like the recent news of Kobe Bryant's passing. It just seems bizarre that even icons like Kobe can be here one day and then gone the next. It seems no one is immune from the human condition, not even Kobe Bryant. Life is quite long but strangely enough it can be quite short as well. With that perspective, I think perhaps we should reframe our definitions of what is meant by a successful life, a definition that extends to more spiritual, eternal things.

To be honest, I couldn't go back to high school today. The competitiveness would just get to me. It felt like such a rat race climbing the ladders of popularity, grades, and success. I simply couldn't handle the anxiety given I know my identity is in Christ and none of that junk. But our roundtable conversation about who was the most successful person from high school kept me thinking. Is it really the goal of man to be the most "successful"? When we are young we are taught to chase huge dreams and climb the corporate ladder as high as we can, but as we age we realize these dream are quite hard and perhaps there is more to life than "being at the top." I think there is more to life than that. In fact, one of the wisest men I've ever met once advised me there is nothing at the top of the ladder. Perhaps right where we are is where the beauty is. I think the beauty of Jesus is that he allows anyone to be meaningful, not just successful, in His Kingdom. Anyone is invited to share about God's love for others. This is what was so cool about David Zinn. He found Christ before most of us did back in high school and people just loved him because he showed God's love to everyone. He has spent his life sharing the gospel with people like myself both domestically and abroad in places like China through missions. He is truly an example of a man who has put sharing the gospel first in his life.

When I look back at life, I will forever remember David Zinn. I will remember how he shared about God's son with me when I was completely lost in high school. Tonight I was stuck in one of those moments where you can't sleep and all you can do is reflect on life. While reflecting, I kept thinking I wanted to be exactly like David Zinn and I didn't want to try to be Zach Morris. For those who don't know Zach Morris was the quintessential king of cool in the hit show Saved by the Bell. But as I've gotten older, I've learned that Zach Morris type of fame will come and go. Fame, popularity, and success are so transient in the grand scheme of life with its ups and downs. They are so situationally dependent, here one day and gone the next. But I will never forget the exact spot I was in when David Zinn first introduced the gospel to me. If you could bottle the emotion of that moment it would sell for millions.

I write all this as someone who is in their mid 30s trying to reflect on what is important in life. I wonder why the goal of Americans hasn't changed to make more disciples of Jesus instead of chasing the American Dream? Why aren't there more David Zinns in the world giving their life to serve in places like China? Why are we trying to be Zach Morris, when David Zinn is what God has called us to be? Why does man fight for things that may or may not bring eternal fulfillment? Henry David Thoreau says that, "most men lead lives of quiet desperation." That quote stings of emptiness and pain. To say that most men have boring stories is a stab in the heart, but it's true. We so often go through life, sometimes for years, overlooking God and His purposes for us. And without that as the focus of our life, we simply live stories that don't live up to the eternal hype we should be experiencing. We may try to look like Zach Morris, but really David Zinn is what our heart and soul wants to be. If we are honest, I think God actually invites us to a life of meaning and fulfilment that we can't find in sizing up our successes or SAT scores with our neighbor. If this way of life, the Christian way of life, is truly how we find life, why are we not taught to strive for this? Why are we sold on an American dream of success that may not fulfill at the end like we thought it would at the beginning of our chase? Perhaps it is the Enemy blinding us from truth and disguising a lie to look good. Perhaps it is man's attempt to find life in things other than God? Whatever it is, let us learn from David Zinn, a saint that I know God will say, "well done my good and faithful servant" when he is at the end of this time on earth. Let us store up treasures in Heaven, not on earth.

Obedience/Following Christ

In surrendering to Christ, I have found one of the toughest things is actually following Him day to day and continuing to follow what He says.  After all, life is tough sometimes and there are millions of temptations to not follow Christ in the midst of trials and temptations.  Looking at all of his disciples, they all ended up dead and crucified in horrible ways; therefore, truly following Christ may cost a lot, even possibly all of your life....And why would anyone want that in a country that tells you daily the American dream will make you happy?  

I think we are most tempted to stop following Christ the second life goes South.  I know I had my Job-esque, mid-life crisis when I was about 27.  Everything I did in life went "bassackwards."  I lost med school and it looked like my story was taking a very dark turn for the worse.  And though I continued going to church and doing the "spiritual things", I noticed I was tempted to question, "if following Jesus is so important, why does my life suck so much at this tough moment?"  During my midlife crisis, I started to struggle with the lie that "just a little bit of sin" seemed to medicate the downs and numbness I felt.  Sin kind of seemed like a temporary medicine to anesthetize me from the tough questions of why is my life falling apart?  In economic terms, the temptation to not completely follow God seemed like a band-aid that may fix temporary pains or numbness.  I kind of thought I could escape my troubles temporarily or keep my mind off them for some time.  However, in the long run, I finally realized it was causing a disaster.  I found the smallest ways in which I would budge on sin, the easier it was to get stuck into sin.  Sin can lead to addiction, which can lead to dependence and seperation from God.  As the Bible says, sin (when full grown) is death, or seperation from God.  Ironically, when we choose not to follow God because life gets tough we get stuck in patterns, addictions, or sins that just keep us further from the only solution to our problems in life, an actual relationship with God.

I chose to blog about this topic because I just experienced another crisis or trial.  I failed my PA school boards.  I have always struggled with timed testing because my ADHD and this problem popped up again.  It really is a thorn in my flesh that I, like Paul, begged God to take away.  However, I'm also learning that His grace is enough and that His power would be made perfect in weakness.  Right when I found out I failed I admit I just dropped F bombs and got really pissed off.  My iPhone bears an eternal scar across the screen as a reminder of this moment too...lol.  I found myself faced with the same temptations as seven years ago.  To make things even worse I got dumped by a girl that seemed cool.  Basically, one week everything looked like it was going to work out great and then it all dropped from the botttom and nothing in life seemed to work at all.  In fact, it probably couldn't have gone any worse.  I don't say this for pity, but just honesty and transparency that things in life sometimes just go South and don't go as planned.

I admit an intitial feeling of anger and questioning, "why me God?  What did I do to deserve this?"  I think we all want success and for life to go our way.  Successes provide a sense of comfort, and when life isn't doing that thing we want, we just feel uncomfortable and we begin to question God.  The worst part that I am willing to admit is that I initially fell back into the same sin struggle that seemed to medicate the pain seven years ago.  Luckily, I decided to reflect and do something different this time.  God convicted me that I had been down this path before in life and it just didn't work in the longrun.  I decided to really listen to what God was saying in the midst of my pain and questioning God.  David Dwight, pastor at Hope Church in Richmond, gave a spine tingling sermon about Solomon and how he achieved everything and lived a life of pleasure but on the inside his life was completely meaningless and hollow.  In the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon was about to die, and he was so depressed because he felt his life was just chasing dust in the wind.  This sermon opened my ears to hear what God was actually saying.  Solomon's experience reminded me that "winning it all" doesn't always translate into a fulfilled life.  After winning the Super Bowl, Tom Brady was quoted as saying something to the effect that, "I have won the big game multiple times and there must be more to life than this."  I dare say that "more to life" is relationship with God, through thick and thin.  We were made for this relationship, and we try and try to fill our life with other stuff and accolades, but it just doesn't provide the fulfillment we were designed for.  We have a lot to learn from the wise sage Solomon as he knows his life is drawing to an end.  We can learn from people that are older mentors and have done life before us because they have already walked the steps we are walking and already know the right way to go down those steps.  Solomon is at the end of His life and just says, "Man, I wish I was close with God throughout my whole life instead of chasing things that didn't really matter in the end."


In all honesty, I find myself catching a lie that I've thought to myself, "My life would just be so much better if such and such happened."  I occassionally get the thought that my life would be so much better if I could just pass the boards and move on with my life.  But theologically speaking, this is just an idol, or a golden calf.  How often, do I feed myself the idolatrous lie that my life will be better when "such and such" happens?  I find myself catching that thought way too often in life, whether life is going well or going bad.  Ironically, chasing this thought actually causes us to miss today and miss the gift of life that God tells us to live today.

I admit at times wanting God to just scratch out my boards score and give me a passing number.  I want to move on with my life and be done with this phase and start practicing clinical medicine.  I honestly don't want to re-adjust my ADHD medication and study for the boards all over again.  However, I am excited about one thing about this failure.  I am excited that this time when my life seems to be going South, I can learn from my previous mistake of giving God the finger and not turn to sin as a way to medicate the pain of going through another trial in life.  This time I can choose to actually follow God through a trial and not give into my own fleshly sins as a way of coping with the trial.  I have learned that He is sovereign in the midst of life's toughest trials and He has already conquered the toughest thing that we fear the most, death.  So I am kinda pumped that this trial, as Peter says, will produce joy and a closer relationship with God.  These trials are part of following Christ and, although they are not necessarily fun, an intimate relationship with God is what we are really after in life.  After all, when we die, we will have Christ, and nothing else.  That will be enough.  In fact, it will be infintely more than enough.  We won't need a passing board score or all this other crap we try to hide to make us feel better.  These are all good things, but a lot of deep Christian philosophers and existentialists have thought deeply about God/life/man/etc.  They have thought through the tough questions of life and realized the self is fulfilled by relationship with God, nothing else.  They realized what Solomon realized.  Relationship with God is enough.  Nothing else is needed.

I admit.  The Christian walk is not necessarily a walk of earthly success, fame, or "baller lifestyle."  You are guaranteed nothing following Christ, and will probably go through lots of faith-building trials.  I can almost guarantee you will go through multiple stages where life gets really flat out tough walking with Christ.  Yet, Christ will be enough.  He will be more than enough.  You do not need any more and God will provide for all your needs (Phil 4:19).  I think back to Phillipians 3 where Paul writes, "For it is we who put no confidence in the flesh— 4 though I myself have reasons for such confidence.  If someone else thinks they have reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more: 5 circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; in regard to the law, a Pharisee; 6 as for zeal, persecuting the church; as for righteousness based on the law, faultless.7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. 10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead."

I put this whole passage here because Paul truly explains how the self stands before God in light of finding Christ.  He puts his spiritual resume up and says basically, "Look. I did it all, and I did it better than anyone else possibly could...But I count it as a pile of crap compared to a relationship with Jesus."  Paul has street cred in the religious circles.  He has the Jewish pedigree (as a Hebrew of Hebrew) so people know Paul was a big deal in religious circles at the time.  He looked really good on paper.  But what I like about Paul is that he is real, and not just some person who looks good on paper.  He almost says that people who just look good on paper are superficial at best.  On the surface, they look like they have everything put together, but in reality, they don't.  Paul is actually quite deep.  He understands the relationship of the self to God, and how Jesus is the way to this.  He knows that without Christ he is absolutely nothing.  For a man to trade His religious and cultural pedigree two thousand years ago for a relationship with Jesus meant everything back then.  People probably thought Paul was crazy, but he didn't care because he knew relationship with God all he needed.  We can learn a lot about self actualization from people like Paul.

It is so important that we, as Christians, tie these deep theological concepts into the ways we live.  "Is living really Christ? Would dying really be gain?"  I know I often do not live at all like this.  I recently had a friend pass away in her thirties, which was way way too early for such an awesome person.  Although death is a part of this life and a topic we as humans do not handle very well, it is an important part of life.  It can be good because it reminds us, "what are we really living for?  Why do I exist?"  I have really enjoyed my thirties, but I think the hardest part of your thirties is that people close to you start getting closer to death or even actually dying.  I didn't struggle with this in my twenties, but I have in my thirties at times.  Soren Kierkegaard and a lot of deep Christian existentialists point out that death reminds us we are finite and everything on this earth will eventually pass away.  It forces us to ante up and examine our own lives.  Are we really living the way we want to?  Are we really ready to die?  Are we really ready to meet God the Father and answer the question what we think of His Son?

It is quite shocking how quickly life can change.  One minute it looks like we are on top of the world.  But when we face death, we realize just how much the earthly stuff is not going with us.  This should remind us to store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.  We are to use our time and experience in this life sharing the way that God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to restore the relationship with God the Father that was once broken by sin.  I think God will ask us two very simple questions when we die.  First, I believe He will ask, "Have you accepted Jesus as the way to eternity with Me [God the Father]?"  But I have a weird hunch God will also ask, "What did you do to share about my Son while you were on Earth?"  That second question sends chills down my spine.  I think of all the time I've wasted watching sports, playing video games, etc. And I think woah.  I probably could have helped lead at least one more to Jesus.  I could have done so much more in the eternal perspective of my life.



I know I've rambled on a lot of theological tangents and I need to start tying things together, but I've brought up all these thoughts and ideas that spurred out of a trial in life.  Basically, I am excited about one thing.  I am excited that this time when I'm having a mini mid-life crisis I can finally actually follow and obey God through it.  I think I learned from my first mid life crisis seven years ago that I don't have to fight God over it.  My first mid-life crisis I kind of gave God the finger and said if you are going to let this happen to me I will try to fight you a little bit.  I learned that fighting God is like being chased by the cops on Grand Theft Auto with 5 stars of attention.  You really do not stand a chance at winning.  Luckily, my second attempt is a new opportunity where I can learn to be content even in the midst of the trial, in the midst of the ruminations, in the midst of questioning God.  God has already proven He is sovereign and on the throne in my life and in the world.  He doesn't have to do any more to illustrate these parts of His character to myself or to anyone.  Thus, all I really have to do is just sit back and live a life of obedience to the sovereign King who sits on the throne.

Stick to your guns. Don't Jump Ship. (With Jesus and with Sports)

July 1, 2016 marked a tough day in my OKC Thunder fanship.  Kevin Durant left my beloved OKC Thunder to join the Golden State Warriors.  I admit it was tempting as anything to jump ship and join the bandwagon as the Warriors now have my two favorite players (Durant and Curry) and will surely win many rings in the near future.  Many people asked me would I join the Warriors bandwagon, which looked all the more enticing with the Warriors skyrocketing and the Thunder plummeting in talent.  To be honest, every bone in my body was tempted to take the easy way out and jump ship from the Thunder to the Warriors.  But then I sat down and really thought about it.

I have been a Sonics/Thunder fan since 1994.  That is 22 years of loyalty.  Ups and Downs.  Good times and bad times.  Even though we were going through a rough time and it wasn't enjoyable losing Durant, the thought of abandoning those 22 years together made me sick to my stomach.  It made me want to throw up.  How could I so easily be tempted to jump ship when things got tough?  How could I abandon this 22 year relationship because it didn't seem to benefit me as much with the abilities of Durant and winning a ring in the near future?

Taking time to remember the importance of loyalty and commitment,  I told my friend, Mike, that without a doubt I was sticking with the Thunder.  Even if we never make it to the NBA Finals again.  Even if Westbrook leaves too.  Even if we suck forever.  I just couldn't jump ship and leave the 22 years of time together with the Thunder.

Although allegiance to a sports team may seem superficial to some.  I think it has parallels and relates exactly to a man's loyalty and commitment to God through thick and thin.  Just as things got tough with the Thunder two months ago, life got tough for me this week and I was tempted more than anything to jump ship and abandon everything I have been following for 12 years in Jesus.

In my life, something happened that didn't go the way I wanted and I was a little bummed.  I was entirely down for a day and just a complete grump.  I admit when life goes South, the first thing I am tempted to do is jump ship on Jesus.  I am tempted to blame God that things in life aren't going well and I am not happy.  I want to take the easy way out and abandon following Christ because sometimes it flat out hurts.  Sometimes life just hurts.  Things happen and we go through ups and downs, and during the downs it is so easy to blame God on them and walk away from the very relationship that is the only thing that gives life meaning.

Yesterday I was an absolute grump.  I was struggling with temptation, struggling with the flesh, struggling with everything that doubts God when life doesn't go as planned and hurts.  I was tempted to just walk out on this 12 year relationship because I wasn't happy with something that happened in my life.  I was tempted to blame God that I was suffering and hurting.  I was really tempted to sin and take the easy way out on following Christ.  For about a day, I was really angry and frustrated with God and with life.  I didn't read my Bible. I didn't feel the presence of God.  I was just pissed.

I woke up today feeling just as pissed as yesterday.  Then to be honest I wanted to bail on God because I was moody and emotional.  Crazy enough, I felt God speaking to me as a long-time Christian friend accepted a Facebook friend request.  Even though I was grumpy and mad at God about life not going the way I planned, I felt God saying that He wouldn't abandon and give up on me.  I was a mess and life wasn't going as planned, but God promises to never give up on me through the ups and downs.  It's crazy when the Spirit of God speaks in the seemingly small things of life.

Like it or not, I couldn't avoid God.  I finally just surrendered my day long temper tantrum with God and basically said, " Fine.  Even though things didn't work out.  I'm not gonna check out into atheist land and live a life full of selfish sin.  I'm not gonna jump ship and bail on Jesus because life is really hard right now."

It is wild how much this experience with God parallels my experience with the OKC Thunder.  When things get tough and the chips are down, we as humans are so incredibly tempted to jump ship from commitment and loyalty because they make our life tougher and don't always bring joy and happiness in the moment.

Loyalty and commitment in a relationship, whether it is with God, a sports team, a spouse, speaks volumes.  It means you will be there through thick and thin.  In a way, I'm disgusted with my sin that is so tempting when the chips are down in life.  My flesh/sin appeals so much to me through temptation the second life gets hard.  It's like the little devil on your shoulder grows and looks all the more appealing because it doesn't appear that God is working everything out for our good in the exact moment of despair in life.  However, this is a lie.  It isn't true.  God promises to work all things for our good (Rom 8:28.)  He promises he will never leave or forsake us.  Through thick and thin, God marries us in a relationship that He will never ever abandon us.

Looking back now, I'm sickened that I even thought of jumping ship on Christ for a day because life hurt.  I'm sickened that I even was tempted to jump ship on the OKC Thunder because Durant left.  Loyalty and commitment lasts forever with certain things and I need to do a better job of always honoring that through thick and thin, through ups and downs.

Grace

Im at a Denny's trying to study at 4:08 AM on a saturday night, but I just had to blog.  I just sinned.  I screwed up.  I did something that wasn't right.  And normally I just beat myself up about it and think I am this awful, wretched sinner.

However, Sin was strong, but Grace was stronger.  Strangely enough, I feel God's immediate forgiveness and grace this time.  I normally feel so beat up and condemned for time after I sin.  But not this time.  I actually feel immediate forgiveness and love and God's desire for me to do right.  He wants me to repent of sin and forgives me the second I ask for forgiveness.  He knows what is best for us too.  His laws and perfect requirements aren't to judge us and condemn us.  They are there because they show us how to live a good life as humans.

Literally for the last 45 minutes, I just can't wrap my mind around grace.  It makes no sense for a perfect, holy God to want a relationship with this sinner who screws up all the time.  Yet He does.  I feel this love for no reason.  It's awesome.  I love grace.  I love when things happen that just defy the odds and probably shouldn't.

I'm gonna write more but I gotta get back to studying as I have blindly contemplated grace in a Denny's while studying at 4 am.
Witcher

God is so good!

God is incredibly good!

Glory Glory Man United

It's been a rough, rough season.  But please win the FA cup tomorrow and salvage something out of this  season.  Oh and please make LVG leave so Mourinho can bring Ibrahimovic in.
Glory Glory Man United!

Medicine is good again

I love the clinical side of medicine again. Yes there are some ups and downs. But I feel like I'm still on the pathway to Africa. I believe this is the ministry God called me to and it's how I could use my life to maximize my impact for His Kingdom. I still have my moments, but I've heard the still small voice reminding me to keep pursuing the dream. -Witchy