Stick to your guns. Don't Jump Ship. (With Jesus and with Sports)

July 1, 2016 marked a tough day in my OKC Thunder fanship.  Kevin Durant left my beloved OKC Thunder to join the Golden State Warriors.  I admit it was tempting as anything to jump ship and join the bandwagon as the Warriors now have my two favorite players (Durant and Curry) and will surely win many rings in the near future.  Many people asked me would I join the Warriors bandwagon, which looked all the more enticing with the Warriors skyrocketing and the Thunder plummeting in talent.  To be honest, every bone in my body was tempted to take the easy way out and jump ship from the Thunder to the Warriors.  But then I sat down and really thought about it.

I have been a Sonics/Thunder fan since 1994.  That is 22 years of loyalty.  Ups and Downs.  Good times and bad times.  Even though we were going through a rough time and it wasn't enjoyable losing Durant, the thought of abandoning those 22 years together made me sick to my stomach.  It made me want to throw up.  How could I so easily be tempted to jump ship when things got tough?  How could I abandon this 22 year relationship because it didn't seem to benefit me as much with the abilities of Durant and winning a ring in the near future?

Taking time to remember the importance of loyalty and commitment,  I told my friend, Mike, that without a doubt I was sticking with the Thunder.  Even if we never make it to the NBA Finals again.  Even if Westbrook leaves too.  Even if we suck forever.  I just couldn't jump ship and leave the 22 years of time together with the Thunder.

Although allegiance to a sports team may seem superficial to some.  I think it has parallels and relates exactly to a man's loyalty and commitment to God through thick and thin.  Just as things got tough with the Thunder two months ago, life got tough for me this week and I was tempted more than anything to jump ship and abandon everything I have been following for 12 years in Jesus.

In my life, something happened that didn't go the way I wanted and I was a little bummed.  I was entirely down for a day and just a complete grump.  I admit when life goes South, the first thing I am tempted to do is jump ship on Jesus.  I am tempted to blame God that things in life aren't going well and I am not happy.  I want to take the easy way out and abandon following Christ because sometimes it flat out hurts.  Sometimes life just hurts.  Things happen and we go through ups and downs, and during the downs it is so easy to blame God on them and walk away from the very relationship that is the only thing that gives life meaning.

Yesterday I was an absolute grump.  I was struggling with temptation, struggling with the flesh, struggling with everything that doubts God when life doesn't go as planned and hurts.  I was tempted to just walk out on this 12 year relationship because I wasn't happy with something that happened in my life.  I was tempted to blame God that I was suffering and hurting.  I was really tempted to sin and take the easy way out on following Christ.  For about a day, I was really angry and frustrated with God and with life.  I didn't read my Bible. I didn't feel the presence of God.  I was just pissed.

I woke up today feeling just as pissed as yesterday.  Then to be honest I wanted to bail on God because I was moody and emotional.  Crazy enough, I felt God speaking to me as a long-time Christian friend accepted a Facebook friend request.  Even though I was grumpy and mad at God about life not going the way I planned, I felt God saying that He wouldn't abandon and give up on me.  I was a mess and life wasn't going as planned, but God promises to never give up on me through the ups and downs.  It's crazy when the Spirit of God speaks in the seemingly small things of life.

Like it or not, I couldn't avoid God.  I finally just surrendered my day long temper tantrum with God and basically said, " Fine.  Even though things didn't work out.  I'm not gonna check out into atheist land and live a life full of selfish sin.  I'm not gonna jump ship and bail on Jesus because life is really hard right now."

It is wild how much this experience with God parallels my experience with the OKC Thunder.  When things get tough and the chips are down, we as humans are so incredibly tempted to jump ship from commitment and loyalty because they make our life tougher and don't always bring joy and happiness in the moment.

Loyalty and commitment in a relationship, whether it is with God, a sports team, a spouse, speaks volumes.  It means you will be there through thick and thin.  In a way, I'm disgusted with my sin that is so tempting when the chips are down in life.  My flesh/sin appeals so much to me through temptation the second life gets hard.  It's like the little devil on your shoulder grows and looks all the more appealing because it doesn't appear that God is working everything out for our good in the exact moment of despair in life.  However, this is a lie.  It isn't true.  God promises to work all things for our good (Rom 8:28.)  He promises he will never leave or forsake us.  Through thick and thin, God marries us in a relationship that He will never ever abandon us.

Looking back now, I'm sickened that I even thought of jumping ship on Christ for a day because life hurt.  I'm sickened that I even was tempted to jump ship on the OKC Thunder because Durant left.  Loyalty and commitment lasts forever with certain things and I need to do a better job of always honoring that through thick and thin, through ups and downs.

Grace

Im at a Denny's trying to study at 4:08 AM on a saturday night, but I just had to blog.  I just sinned.  I screwed up.  I did something that wasn't right.  And normally I just beat myself up about it and think I am this awful, wretched sinner.

However, Sin was strong, but Grace was stronger.  Strangely enough, I feel God's immediate forgiveness and grace this time.  I normally feel so beat up and condemned for time after I sin.  But not this time.  I actually feel immediate forgiveness and love and God's desire for me to do right.  He wants me to repent of sin and forgives me the second I ask for forgiveness.  He knows what is best for us too.  His laws and perfect requirements aren't to judge us and condemn us.  They are there because they show us how to live a good life as humans.

Literally for the last 45 minutes, I just can't wrap my mind around grace.  It makes no sense for a perfect, holy God to want a relationship with this sinner who screws up all the time.  Yet He does.  I feel this love for no reason.  It's awesome.  I love grace.  I love when things happen that just defy the odds and probably shouldn't.

I'm gonna write more but I gotta get back to studying as I have blindly contemplated grace in a Denny's while studying at 4 am.
Witcher

Rediscovered Joy of Medicine

Blaring David Crowder Band’s “No One Like you” like it was Summer 2005 as I cruised down Holcombe St, I felt the peace of God spreading throughout my soul.  I had just watched the labor and delivery of a patient who I met earlier this week.  I didn’t do much to help.  I was just a PA student who cracked a few jokes to try to make things easier for the mother.  However, I could hear God in the peace that transcends understanding that this was exactly where I should be.  This was exactly what I should do.

In this moment of being there to help the mother deliver, I rediscovered my “reverence for life.”  The pages of Schweitzer’s own masterpiece came alive before my eyes as I saw a mother overwhelmed with joy at the delivery of her baby.  Even I shed a tear myself.  It was emotionally moving to see how joyful the mother was about her child entering the world.  I rediscovered the childhood passion for medicine like jumping out of bed to see a patient with a gun shot wound with Dr. Morgan.

The joy of this mother was enough to crack even an old curmudgeon like myself, who has had his share of ups and downs in life.  I thank God that I saw this joy as it made every all-nighter down the pathway worth it.  Here it was 3:37 in the morning and this joy was enough to send chills down the spirit and wake up these old bones.  It was enough for me to ride the spirit throughout the day.  It made it all worth it.  All the stress, anxiety, all nighters, etc.  It even made my own Job moment of losing med school and switching to PA school worth it.  It made me forget about malpractice and ICD Codes and remember at my roots why I went into medicine.  

Maybe I am guilty of chasing these emotional highs, but I think these are really what life is about.  

Romans 8:28-32

This could be the most powerful promise God gives us as Christ followers.  He has promised it for 10 years to me.  It has been true every second of the journey.  God has done everything He possibly could for us, even to the point of shedding His Son's blood for every one of us.  Thus, I have to share it:

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 

Jesus + Nothing = Joy

Quick Thoughts on Suffering and Trials

Suffering is fine if it brings us closer to God.  Although we, as humans, want to avoid suffering and trials and are told that comfort and happiness are the goal of life.  They are not.  Actually the purpose of life is to know God and to make him known better.  Therefore, I assert that if suffering can have redemptive purpose and bring us closer to God, then times of suffering and trials may not be entirely bad.  Although suffering and going through trials is not fun, it is part of life.  It is a part of life necessary for us to require and depend on God.  Without my times of suffering and trials, I wouldn't be where I am at in my current relationship with God.  Thus, I don't discredit suffering and trials because they fulfill part of what life is about: Knowing God and making Him known!

Trials and Finding Content

I've been through some trials the last couple of months, but I feel like I've finally been able to surrender over to God and say, "Your will not my will."  I was so scared of my job running out for the summer and not having enough money to get through the summer and I haven't had a paycheck for a few weeks but God still seems to be providing.  I think I have enough to last through the summer and hopefully God will hook me up with a new job soon that pays even better.

Through these trials though, I feel like God is still preparing me to be a missionary in Africa.  I have felt a calling to pull an Albert Schweitzer with my life and move to Africa as a medical missionary.  However, I am also ADHD and had troubles with medical licensing boards in America.  At first, I became extremely depressed about med school not working out, but now I think God is opening a new door to PA school in his timing.  I'm currently on the waitlist at a PA school and I really wanna rush through to get there, but God has his own plans and his own timing.  Sometimes I want God to just open the door and let me into PA school, but then God says things like "Your ways are not my ways" to me.  Sometimes I want God to just give me a job where I can make a lot of money and not have to worry about money, but  he says "Your ways are not my ways" again to me.  So through these trials I have learned what Paul describes in Phillipians 4:12 as the "secret of being content in any and every situation."  And I'm just gonna be content with my life.  Even if no job or paycheck happens this summer.  I'm trying to make it happen, but if it doesn't I will be content.  Being content can only be found through God, not anything else in life because God is the source of everything, the Alpha and the Omega.

Life

Listening to Florence Welch's "Sweet Nothing" in the car today, I felt alive.  I felt the presence of God by just living in the moment.  I heard the promises of God reassuring me about all the things I so easily can worry about.  I felt His presence reassuring me that Africa will work out and I will find some babe to get married to and go to Africa with.  I find out tomorrow whether I get into PA School at Elon.  Strangely enough, I am not that nervous about it because I know it is in God's hands and His will is what is best for me.  I cannot wait to for all of the promises of God to come true, including His promises to find a woman and go to Africa as a medical missionary.  I am super stoked.
-Witcher

Deserts and Trials

It's been a while since I've updated my blog so here goes: I am reading this book called "Dry Bones Dancing." It's about God bringing Ezekiel out of a desert of dry bones. I'm hoping this book helps me cuz I feel like I'm in the midst of my own desert with this particular test. Long story but I found out I'm ADD and I have a tough time finishing tests on time. Unfortunately, I can't get extended time on my test so I'm going through a trial trying to figure out how to pass an 8 hour medical licensing exam that I struggle to get enough time to answer the questions. Recently, I have had another difficulty in developing tolerance to the ADD medicine I was going to use to take my test.
So far this book has talked about disobedience causing distance in our relationship with God and how that causes spiritual dryness or deserts in our life. I feel like I've been in the midst of my own "desert" with the test where everything that could go wrong seems to have gone wrong for too long a period of time. I know when we are in those periods where life isn't going as planned we tend to question God, God's love for us, and even God's sovereignty in our lives. Although God does love us and promises to work for us in everything (Rom 8:28), it can be challenging when life isn't happening quite like we want. I know these types of trials cause me to question God and even want to turn to other things to find life because "it seems like God isn't cutting it" or doing the amazing things for us in life that he seemed to do for us. However, I'm trying to steer back to God even in the midst of trials. Hopefully, this book will encourage me as it already has reminded me the importance of obedience leading us to closer relationship with God, who is our source of life and our provider. And it is ultimately God who delivers us through trials. So I encourage myself and those going through trials in life to continue seeking God as the source and deliver from our trials. Well, enough serious stuff. I'm gonna go watch the Eagles play the Falcons.

random god moment from a seinfeld or wes anderson movie

so today i was listening to hillsong united and getting into an awesome worship mindset. i felt like i was really connecting with god and going into this deep, super-spiritual mode. then all of the sudden this car starts pulling directly into my lane and almost sideswipes me. i blare on the horn and put my hand up, thinking about flicking this horrible driver off and then i refrain. this was one bizzaro-world, ironic god moment. i went from feeling all the peace and love of the spirit to totally wanting to flick someone off for almost killing me on the road. i don't know why these things happen to me? they are quite weird but yet it seems to be the theme of my life sometimes.
witcher

Jesus is Alive

I've been feeling the joy of being in relationship with God this summer. In the business of med school, sometimes I completely lost that feeling of relationship with God. It's been nice to have time to just live and dig life. After having some serious quality time with God on a long car ride, my friend asked if I had just gotten laid. I wanted to say, "No not at all. This is just how good and fulfilling the joy of experiencing life in relationship with God is. " Ultimately, being free from school for a lil while has reminded me to just live and to enjoy the life that has been graciously given me. It's crazy how much better my perspective on all aspects of life is when I see them through the lens of the blessing God has given me this life. Today, I am reminded about the blessing of life. I felt this blessing for a long time in life after nearly dying from several gastrointestinal complications. Then I lost view of this blessing when I lost my goal of becoming a doctor for a year in my life. It's been good to get back into the worldview that life really is a blessing and I have been given it. I am excited to start practicing medicine and sharing this view with others as a doctor.